So I puppysat for my best friend the other day. She paid me with a pack of smokes and 5 dollars. I left a little early because I was getting tired. I didn’t explain that part to her so this whole drama ensued. For the record, I left $1.04 on her end table.
Sarah:
do you even realize how much I’ve given you in the last year? food, money, cigarettes, weed, holding your pipe for you, driving you, doing you favors… do you realize how many times i waited way too long for you to pay me back? how many times i had to ask, remind you? how many times you never got me back? do you realize how i helped you get a job at my work? and you just shat on that. i gave you an opportunity, putting myself on the line, and you fucking shat on it. no paybacks no gratitude of any kind. you’re rude. you’re unreliable. you take without giving back, like your friends owe you something, like it’s okay to just take from people. i expected you to stay with the dogs until i got off, because that’s what you told me you would do. and then you throw me a text while i’m in the middle of the dinner rush saying ‘oh by the way i’m leaving now’ like that’s ok? like that’s considerate? like that’s responsible? i was panicking about what to do with my babies, when i PAID you to babysit for the night so they would be covered. and you straight up had asked for more money. but you say you’re leaving, so i ask you to leave me the cash change, except apparently you spent it all, cuz you didn’t leave a cent. so don’t get upset that i took back the cigarettes i bought. it is not my fault you don’t have money, and don’t have the thought to earn it from me by doing what i asked of you (you could have said no), it is not my fault if you don’t spend your money wisely, especially when you end up stranded wanting someone to bail you out because you didn’t plan ahead…and you fucking had the nerve to ask me to drive your boyfriend one day when you didn’t have money, like that’s ok?? same old immature, irresponsible Elizabeth. I actually had faith that you’d changed. i helped you get that job and you act like oh woe is me that you don’t have a job or money. maybe you should do a little self reflecting on the people who help you and the attitude you give in return. i thought maybe i’d try again with having you watch the dogs and i feel like such a fucking fool. you stressed me out, you let me down, you showed me i can’t count on you. and you expect pay? you think I owe YOU something? do you realize how many things i’ve let slide? oh, she’ll learn, oh she’ll realize what i’ve done for her, she’ll get me back. but no. instead, disappointment. but honestly i should just be disappointed in my self for giving you too many chances. i do not trust you with my dogs. i heard you didn’t even take their leashes to joey’s. regardless, i will not be asking you any more favors. and i certainly will not be handing out any more cigarettes or money or anything. you can be upset if you like. this is how i feel. if this damages our friendship, fine. honestly, i don’t trust you anymore anyway. and i’m tired of being mooched and used and let down. good day.
Sunday
Sarah:
okay one last damned thing. don’t be like that. don’t be someone like spiro who says oh i get it i’m just a piece of shit oh i suck yada yada. that’s the least productive thing you could do. no pity parties, you brought this on yourself. what do you do? you learn from it. BE THE FRIEND YOU WANT TO HAVE. and if you wonder why you’re friends with people, you probably aren’t really friends with those people. don’t sell yourself short. i hesitate to say anything because i am done, but damn it all I can give you this last piece of advice. you can take it for nothing if you want. it’s your choice. just like every other action you make. you want things to change, you want to be better, then work on you. honestly you probably should have kept that promise to yourself to be single til your birthday, because you need to focus and work on YOU. stop looking for answers outside yourself and for things to just work out. YOU have to take the steps. good luck, my old friend. i mean that and i mean all the best and i just hope you know that.
My FB post:
Sometimes I wonder why I’m friends with these people, but then I remember that I’m too much of a piece of Shit to make new friends. Then they throw that fact back in my face. I get it. I’m nothing but Shit in everybody’s eyes. You don’t have to remind me.
Me:
Look, I know im a piece of Shit. That’s why I only have 2 friends. If even. My life is in shambles right now and im trying so Fucking hard to stay positive but it’s so difficult when I keep Fucking Shit up. Then here comes Sarah, who had ALWAYS been a bitch to me my whole life telling me how worthless and shitty I am making me feel even worse. The only reason im friends with her is because she was the only person who could stand me. I’m sick of who I am and I am trying so Fucking hard to just keep a positive outlook on life. I don’t want to be depressed again. I don’t want to be suicidal. It’s just so hard.
Shelby:
Hey hey, she doesn’t think you’re a piece of shit. because you’re not. I mean sometimes your judgement is a tad bit shaky, but you mean good. I know you do. She’s been holding in a lot of things for a long time, you and her have issues to work on just like me and you. and No matter what happens between us all, you shouldn’t let that affect how you see yourself. I know it’s hard and it sucks but everything is going to get better when you least expect it. All you can do is just keep living, so no suicidal thoughts. Talk with sarah, figure out how you both can figure things out. and I’m sure you can make new friends. you always have new friends. What happened to the ones at rainbow alley? and you have that one guy who’s name is escaping me… Alex! right. and you two seem to be getting along good. Things are going to look up, just take what she said into account, and come out better than you were before. She just kind of snapped. she’s been in an interesting mood for the past month lol
Turning Life Around 