I’m fat.

I currently weigh roughly 325 pounds. I haven’t always been fat. It came on rather suddenly, really. But now that I have all this weight it hurts to be active. It physically hurts. How am I supposed to get active when it kills my lower back to walk more than 100 fucking feet. It’s slowly been getting to me and it’s come to a head tonight. I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about my goddamn weight. I had thoughts of hurting myself for fucks sake. I hate myself and what I have let my body become and it’s so fucking hard to think about but even harder to fix. It’s sending me into a negative spiral. I haven’t felt this shitty about myself in a very very very long time. I don’t even want to have sex anymore.

I hate this. I did this to myself and that just makes it even worse.