Losing the ones I love

Well, I’ve seemed to have pissed off my 2 best friends, who also happen to be the only people I really care about. Fantastic. I speak my mind and people run for the hills. You know the saying, “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”, well I don’t quite believe it any more. My best friend of 14 years has stopped talking to me because of how I handled the situation with my other friend. I do think I could have handled it better but it’s very hard for me to stay under control when I’m passionate about something. Especially when I believe my friend is in a bad situation and refuses to leave it. So I pissed both of them off when I got into a heated argument with her. I feel bad but I just don’t think she is making a wise decision, and my other friend is not helping at all. All she is doing it encouraging it. Not a smart decision either.

I firmly believe I need to make new friends and I can’t wait for the fall semester to start so I can meet new people. But until then, I don’t really know what to do… I can’t hang out with them and there’s not many other people I can see on such a regular basis. I’m trying to make amends and apologize but it will take a while for them to cool off and forgive me. I understand that. I just hate to lose my best friend of 14 years. I’ve always felt like she’d be there for me, even when we drifted away in high school, but now she’s not there and I feel…. Lost?

I hate when I push people away. I didn’t do it on purpose this time though. I just wanted what’s best for her. But she refuses to listen. It makes me sad that she is throwing her life away for this boy. She knows things aren’t working out yet she feels like she needs him right now. She also believes she is going to have kids soon, due to her taro (sp?) card reading. She is fine with the fact that this guy might be the father. Yet she doesn’t want him in her life forever. What she fails to realize is that once she has his child, she will be stuck with him forever. Even if he leaves, she will look at her child and see nothing but him. Also, he may come back years later and try to be in her child’s life, like her own father did.

The whole thing is a terrible, fucked up situation and I wish she could see it.

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