I was reading an article today that was talking about baby colic, a condition that causes a baby to cry for no apparent reason. My mother likes to remind me on occasion that I, as a baby, was “colicky”.
I have recently decided that I was raised by a narcissistic mother. Any issues I had suddenly became about her. Now, I don’t mean the whole “my child is depressed and it must be my fault” sort of thing that many parents of depressed children must feel. I’m talking about making every little thing about her. Even the way I present myself to the world was a reflection on her, hence the reason she refused to buy me too many black clothes (to the point where she refused to buy ANY black clothes including a sweatshirt).
So what does this have to do with my being colicky? Well, as a baby get older they cry less as a means of communication. A baby with colic tends too stop its excessive crying around 4 months old. When I was a child, though, my mother tended to invalidate my emotions and not believe I was sad when I would cry or would tell me to get over it and “suck it up, cupcake”.
I never really knew, or thought to find out, what colic was. So when I read this article I realized that some of the issues I had with my mother growing up might have stemmed from this. Having a baby that cries excessively for no reason may lead a parent to think, further down the line, that the child is overreacting or simply crying to get attention. If the parent continues to believe this it could potentially lead to invalidation of their child’s emotions and a rift in the relationship.
Having a nearly 6 hour drive between us now has helped our relationship greatly. Granted I can still only spend so much time around her before she starts to push my buttons.
I don’t expect us to ever really be “close” like I feel a mother and daughter should. I feel like our relationship will resemble her relationship with her own mother……