But… He already has me.

Just talked to Eric’s ex-girlfriend. She warned me that he can be mentally abusive. Great.

If the person themselves warns you not to give them a chance, what do you do?

I’ve been hurt before. On one side I don’t want to put myself in the position where I have the possibility to be hurt again. But on the other hand, I can keep my eyes open and leave if he tries to hurt me. But would I leave? Or would I allow myself to suffer again?

Do I give him a chance to show he’s different? Do people ever really change? 

I always attract these types of guys. Even Pablo, the best relationship I ever had, the first person I ever really loved, was not entirely nice to me. I’ve grown accustomed to it. Maybe I can find a mild version and learn to live with it. It’s all I really attract. 

He seems like a mild version. Maybe. 

The big question here: Do I give him a chance?

Please help me. Anyone. I need advice.

Still feeling blah.

I want someone to rub my back or play with my hair or something.

❤ Eric.

Anywho. I want to feel better again. Ugh. I hate the feeling i get after being off my meds for a while. Even when I start taking them again I still feel like shit.

My stomach is feeling gross, so is my brain.

I’m getting to that point where I don’t really want to be around people. I just want to sit somewhere quiet and not have to worry about people talking to me. Or around me. But what would I do? Sit and do nothing? The same thing I’m doing now but without other people around me.

I just want to sit and cuddle with Eric for a while. Sigh.

Yay. Cuddles.

This is going to be the most random post yet.

Eric is reading over my shoulder so when I type something that I want, he’ll do it. :3

What if I type “I’m thirsty”…..

He stopped reading it but I’m sure he’ll start again soon. Lol.

Maybe I’ll attempt to do more math…

Eh.

-curls up in a ball and just lays there-

Later:

Still not feeling like being social. I just don’t feel like doing anything today.

 

Blah.

One of THEM

Soooo….. I have officially become one of… THEM. You know THEM, those nerdy kids who sit around playing Dungeons and Dragons and Magic: The Gathering. I thought when I first started playing Magic, that I would not take any further step into the realm of nerds. I would stand firmly in the doorway and simply look on at the rest of them, geeking out in their nerdy costumes, all wrapped up in some silly game.

Well, I created my character for D&D today. Yup. I did it. I entered their realm. I am now one of THEM. I might even give a go at WoW… I am seriously considering it. Sad huh?

The worst part, I think I’m going to actually enjoy it.

You know, I’ve always considered myself a nerd. But not one of those nerds. Welp. Now I am one of those nerds. I have officially earned my way into the league of nerds. But, I will wear my badge proudly. They are my people. I feel like I belong.

I miss LARPing with my neighbors so much and I think that this will be a nice way of replacing those games.

I wonder what my older brother would think if I ever tell him I’m playing D&D. He’d probably be proud. But he wouldn’t show it. He never does. He always acts like he doesn’t care about me. But I’m sure somewhere deep down in that dark, black soul of his, he does care. And he might even respect me a little more after this.  

So I got my meds last night. Fucking finally. It will take a few days for them to build back up in my system, so I’m not feeling at the top of my game just yet. But soon I will. I’m feeling very anti-social today. I don’t feel like being around anyone or at school today.

I’m feeling… Blah. I just want to lay down and be alone for a bit. Or maybe cuddle with Eric. I’m not sure. I just don’t want to be around the crowds.

Later:

I’m sitting outside. Away from the crowds. It’s hot out in the sun, but nice here in the shade.

Idk. I just feel… Idk. Nrg. Wow I haven’t used that in years. I feel nrg. I want to go home but I don’t at the same time. Sigh.

I wish Eric could see me outside of school. I’d really like to just cuddle with him for a while. I miss him when he’s gone.

I don’t feel like walking all the way to the light rail.

I wonder if I have enough money for a drink… Nope. I don’t. Damn.

I hope I have enough gas to make it home…

Random thoughts.

Eric always comes back into my head. I just want to lay in his arms and fall asleep. Nothing sexual. Just sleep.

Sigh. Why do I get into these moods? Oh, right, I have my antidepressant but it hasn’t built up in my system. So I end up just feeling blah and nrg.

Eric.

Image

🙂

I want to lay in his arms and sleep. I feel safe there. Happy.

I think I’ll head home.

TTYL.

Meds

I still do not have my meds. Why do the doctors not understand that it is not a good idea to have me off my meds. It is very bad. I need them ASAP. I am not feeling terrible today, however, I would much prefer to not have to worry.

I feel better now that I am seeing Eric. 🙂

There’s not much to write today. I saw my therapist today. She is happy that I did not try to kill myself the other night. Or even go throw with hurting myself. I wanted to. Very badly. But I didn’t. I sought help, and made sure to get it.

Nothing else to say.

TTYL

What the Hell

Daily Prompt: Funny Ha-Ha

There is not much to laugh about in my life anymore. But I try to laugh at the little things. Like when I do something stupid, I’ll try to laugh it off. 

When I’m off my meds I almost never laugh. Like now. I have to force myself to laugh at things. 

Maybe if I get back on them I’ll laugh more…

Woo! I get to get my meds today! No more depression and much more laughing 😀

I know this is very loosely based off the daily prompt but I don’t care. 

Can I make a request for the Daily Prompt? I need a more creative writing prompt. Something that will inspire me to write a story. 

Kthxbye!