Periods. Ugh.

I always meet a nice guy… Then BAM! My period comes along and I start acting like a maniac and scare them off. Or I start over-thinking everything, think I’m acting like a maniac, then scare them off. Either way, my period sucks.
Why do I have to be so… Clingy? I meet someone I really like and I… Cling… Like none other. And that scares them off too. I’m a wreck. I don’t know how to act appropriately to make a good relationship. I never even last long enough to get to a point where we can even call it a relationship.


Nervous Wreck

I’m a nervous wreck. I have a new man… I might have told him I’m on birth control… I think he came in me last night…. I’m not on birth control…

I just spent the last fifteen minutes picking at tiny little zits and bumps on my face… It took my mind off it for a little while… But I know it’s a nervous habit of mine. 

I’m shaking… He’ll be so mad. I lied to him. Why did I lie to him? He’s right. I do make bad decisions. What am I going to do??? What if he got me pregnant?? I’m terrified right now. 



Do I take him back?

I revealed to me Master that I want a relationship, that’s not what he wants. So Eric happens to pop up… And… Well… I’m considering it. Is it a good idea? I’m not too sure. I don’t know what to do. What about Mr. Black? Do I break it off with him? Because I know he doesn’t want a relationship either. 

I just… I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one trying to make the relationship work, and that’s how I felt last time with Eric. :/

I’m also afraid he’ll hurt me, like they warned me. Should I stay away from him? He says he’s getting help and that he’s on meds now. Do I believe him? I’ve been lied to by so many men, I can’t stand it anymore. 

On a side note: The college campus internet won’t let me play Steam games. 😦

Mumble Grumble

Is a relationship so much to ask for?? All I want is a guy who will take me out and treat me right while satisfying me in the sack. Why can’t I find anyone who wants a real relationship and not just sex?

That is so fucking frustrating. I want someone I can call mine. I want someone to hold me and love me for me. Someone I can take home to my parents and introduce to my friends. Someone to hang out with and just spend time doing nothing with. I don’t just want sex. I want the real deal.