My Cave Does Not Have Wifi.

I don’t know how to feel or what to think anymore. I should be happy, excited. But instead I’m just scared, nervous and worried. Not always about me. That poor girl. She needs to leave the situation. Yes. I am trying to get them apart. But not for my own personal gains. I almost never do things like this for my own gain. I always have everyone else’s best interest in mind. Is that a bad thing? Should I be putting others before myself? 

Well, am I really putting her needs ahead of mine? Because I am still taking care of myself and my needs. I just have the tendency to want to help others in situations similar to the one I was in. When I see someone in that situation, I simply cannot hold my tongue. I cannot keep to myself or mind my own business. He does not deserve her. And she doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. She does everything for him and he gives nothing in return. Selfish bastard. 

On another note, she and my bestie would be great together. I’m already writing my toast for their wedding. And they’re already planning it, even though they are both in situations that prevent them from being together. But one day…. One day…. I will stand up at their wedding, look at them with pride in my eyes, and speak of the drunken night we had together. Planning their escapes. Planning their life together. 

Maybe it’s a bit early for that… No… It IS too early for that. Neither of them are ready. But, when they are, I will be there to say, “I told you so”. I can truly see it happening. I can see them spending the rest of their lives together. And it makes me so happy to see my sister happy. 

On another note, things are slowly looking up with Sophie. She might be able to stay. I certainly hope so. We’re in this together. I’m not doing it alone so long as I have her.

Ummm….. Not sure when the last time I blogged was… So in case I haven’t mentioned yet, life is stressful. Everything is happening/happened at once. 

My mom is selling my childhood home. The one I lived in from day one for 18 years. 

One of our cats, Ruby (the mancatdog attention whore), has a tumor. She is being put down in less than a month. I cried when my mom told me. I’m still holding back the tears now.

I was going to move on a Sunday. It was planned. That Friday, I receive a call in the morning telling me that the moving date was changed. To that night… I only had 2 boxes packed. So I threw the rest of my things into boxes and prepared to leave. I drove an hour and a half in the worst rain storm I have ever driven in, with a cat who thought it was the end of the world and fully vocalized that belief. Turns out, I left a lot of important things back at my dad’s. A litter box for Sophie, clothes, appropriate shoes (I had been wearing flip-flops). 

So this has been an interesting…. wait… IT’S ONLY BEEN A WEEK???? 

So much can happen in a week. So very, very much…

Oh, so my new cave (unfinished basement of an old farmhouse) does not have wifi. So I have been relying on Starbucks. Woo. 

And if I don’t leave the house, I’m not trying to find a job, and I won’t get a job, and I’m lazy, and I’m disrespectful, and I’m trying to break them up… 

Oh look, I came full circle. 

And with that, I shall say goodbye. 

Until next time, stay classy interwebs. Stay classy.

The Threat.

I’m still afraid of him. I’m still scared that he’s keeping tabs on me. I may have sent him back to jail. That’s enough for him to want to get his revenge. I’m terrified honestly. Am I freaking out over nothing? Maybe. But… That threat…. It stays with me… In the back of my mind. Every where I go. Every day. It haunts me.

I’m leaving it all behind. I’m going. It’s behind me. He can’t know… Can he?… Ugh… These thoughts, these worries. I can’t shake them. I’m miserable.

Maybe I just need some sleep…. It’s late….

Goodnight.