Abstaining, even for such a short period of time, from even just kissing him, made this “first” one so… Amazing. I’m not sure how to describe it. The feeling, you could tell both of us wanted it so bad, though it was soft, gentle. Even before the kiss. Just being in his arms. I felt… Safe. Happy. When was the last time I felt this way? Maybe… No. I can’t get my hopes up. If I type it, I feel like it will jinx everything. But at the same time, I’m the only one who knows what I’m talking/thinking about.
But isn’t that the point of this? This whole blog is just for me. That was the purpose I made it for. I made it to become my diary. It’s changed though. I write for certain people to read it, even know, as I am typing. There is one person I want to read this post. The rest I do not care about. Feel free to read, just know, it is only written for one of you.
However, I feel that if I do not express what I am thinking I won’t remember fulling what it was I wanted to say.
No. The “Safe. Happy” part is sure to give it away. To me at the very least, and maybe to those I have explained it to or those who really think about it.
Anywho. That kiss. It has brought up so many emotions. I feel like we have a fresh start right now. To take things slow. To take things at the pace I really want to. The pace I have desired for years, but have denied myself of. My pace.
I feel that I have returned to the same situation. No, not that one. One before that. The good one.( Yes… I can talk about it like this I suppose.) The only difference though… The roles have reversed. It may not be exactly the same, but it has it’s similarities and parallels.
That is where I must stop with that idea. I must not get ahead of myself.
I have the tendencies to set expectations, then overreact when things don’t turn out the way I thought they would.
That’s not a criticism, just a note.
That’s all for now.