So, he is making an effort to get better. He is seeing a counselor and getting help. Maybe there is hope for him yet. I want to give him a chance. I want to help him. Not force him to change. I’ve learned that you can’t change someone. But you can help them become the person they want to be. Right? Well that’s what I’m going to do. I really like him.
I have faith in him. He can become the person he wants to be. A better person. I hope. If not, it is better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.
Am I falling into a trap? Why must I doubt myself so much. Always second-guessing. Am I giving this chance to someone who doesn’t deserve it? But everyone deserves a chance, right? Sigh.
What if he is lying to me? How am I supposed to know? I’ve been lied to a lot in my past and that makes it hard, very hard, for me to trust anyone these days.
Why do I have to be so fucked up? My mom said, last night, “I wish you had never worked at Elitch’s.” Well, you live and you learn right? No regrets. But then I think, how fucked up would I be if I had never worked there? Never met Phil… But how trusting would I be? It hurts me to think about it. I don’t like thinking about it.
Stop living in the past. Stay in the present. What is happening now. But what about the future? The future does not exist. All that exists is here and now. This moment. Work your ass off so the next moment you have can be better than your present one. That’s all you have to worry about.