To be or not to be

For the longest time now I have been searching for a serious relationship with the right person. Now, I have the opportunity to explore my sexuality and become a slave. I’m not sure what to do. I want a normal relationship with someone my age so bad but at the same time I can explore new things with this guy. But he also lives so far away. I won’t even be able to see him again until I find a job… But there is this guy who lives closer… Who is quite fun. I’m just not sure what to do anymore.

It is fun to explore and be tied up, but do I really want to BELONG to this person? That’s what I’m not so sure about. I know I’ll still have free will and be able to stop any time that I want, but do I even want to start?

I can’t believe I’m writing without a cigarette. I want one so bad though. But I am going to try going all day without smoking. How hard can it be? >.>

Back to the topic. I know I should follow my heart or my gut, but I’m not sure what either of them are saying either. Well, that’s a lie. My gut is saying to stop, and find a nice normal guy around my age. My heart, I’m not sure what it wants anymore. I never have been.

This is making me think. I have always attracted the same type of guy. Someone who is very controlling and dominating. I’ve been wanting o get away from that lately. I don’t want a controlling guy in my life. I have experienced it to the extreme and I don’t like it. I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do….

I’ve had 2 old guys like this post so far…not sure what to think of it… Lmao

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One thought on “To be or not to be

  1. Marshall Hendrix says:

    Interesting post. I always subscribe to the idea of being able to do what you want as long as you aren’t hurting yourself or others. Each to their own.

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