So…. I have had an interesting few days. I became a slave yesterday…. As in BDSM style. I’m nervous but I will get to experiment sexually. I’m just afraid that it will end up like Phil…. A bad thing for me. I’m watching for the signs but so far this guy is much nicer. I’ve never been a sub before. In fact I went over to his place with absolutely no intention of becoming his sub. But it just sort of happened.
I’m not sure how this will turn out. Like I said I’ve never been a slave before. I don’t want to be treated like shit either. I’ve already experienced that. I think that if any of my red flags pop up, I’ll tell him and see what happens. If it goes too far, I’ll stop. But, since I an letting him read my blog, hopefully we can avoid the bad.
He wanted me to call him Daddy. But I can’t. I called Phil “Daddy”. He was Daddy and I was Mama. I don’t think I can ever call anyone (other than my dad) “Daddy” again.
I look forward to this experience though. I get to experiment sexually and in a safe way.
I know I met this guy online, but I’ve talked to him for 2 years now. I know he’s older, but I don’t feel the same way around him as I did with Phil… I feel safer. I feel… Listened to. With Phil, he never gave a shit about how I felt or what I was thinking. It was always about him.
I have learned though. I have red flags now. If I spot them, it’s over.
Now…. To tell my therapist about this or not?….. That is a hard decision. She will most likely persuade me to get out of the situation thinking it’s not good for me. But I’m not sure if I feel the same way… This whole idea excites me. Maybe I’ll fib to her about his age….
Lying to my therapist. Oh dear….